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National Gaucamole Day happy hour

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Hello fellow Experts in Electromagnetics,

As I'm sure all of your are aware, this coming Friday is National Guacamole Day. We know that there are probably parties celebrating this event all over campus, but your very own Optical Society would like to join the fun this year by doing our own happy hour on this widely anticipated holiday.

So come join us this Friday, September 16th at 5PM in Spilker 232. We will have a variety of guacamoles created by our committee members as well as a number of drinks, EANABS, and other snacks for your consumption.

We will be making the guacamole at the event itself, so it will be extra fresh and delicious! If you like guacamole at all, you'd better come see what we have in store.

Here's some background information on what will be served:

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Green Dragon
Green Dragon (or Mr. Green for short) was born in the Siberian Tundra in the early 1600s with his brother Speckled Dragon (or Speckles for short). At the young age of 122, Mr. Green wandered off into the Tundra and became hopelessly lost, but was found by a band of nomads before succumbing to the elements. Ever since that day, Mr. Green has dedicated his life to fighting against the absence of foliage in any location on Earth. He is notorious for planting huge swaths of trees on private property and is the source of many lumberjack horror stories.

Speckled Dragon
Speckles is Mr. Green's brother of approximately the same age, but if of an entirely different disposition. In the mid 19th century, he stumbled upon a mining camp, and experienced the concept of rhythm for the first time from the repetitive striking of pickaxes on rock. When one of the laborers accidentally went off beat, Speckles fell into a blinding rage and slaughtered the entire camp by accident.

Since that event, Speckles has always required a constant beat to keep from throwing a tantrum, and he is forced to carry a running metronome with him at all times as a precaution.

Smokey the Bell
In July of 1988, deep within Yellowstone National Park, a bear was about to go through hell. The notorious ecological terrorist known as Scoville was about to attempt his crowning achievement by releasing an unknown chemical into the forest with potentially disastrous consequences. Scoville was at the top of a mountain wearing a gas mask while setting an explosive charge to detonate when the wind was just right to maximally disperse the caustic substance. That was when a large brown bear happened upon him. Unfortunately for Scoville, the vial of chemicals set next to his explosives looked awfully tasty, and without warning, the bear charged and ate the vial in a single bite.

As the substance began to affect the bear, he slowly lost consciousness and his ears were assailed by an intense ringing noise. The world began to fade away, and yet his awareness was undergoing a fantastic change. As if from a great distance, the sound of a man yelling and the discharge of a gun greeted Smokey the Bell into existence.

Stone Cold Charlie
Sergeant "Stone Cold" Charlie was one of the most hardened veterans of the National Park Service. During his years as a park ranger, he's arrested over 200 people for littering, 100 people for unsafe practices with fire, and 50 people for trespassing into protected areas. He's considered one of the finest men in the business, but don't let him hear you say that.

He finds himself wracked with guilt over his repeated failures to apprehend the eco-terrorist Scoville. He spiraled into an alcohol-filled depression that lasted for 5 years. He had all but given up on stopping his nemesis until something happened in May of 1988.

Charlie came home one night to find his mailbox in ruins. Its wooden stand had been torn apart, and the box itself was a distorted wad of bent metal. A large white poster, ripped and crumpled, was poking out of the wreckage. Mumbling under his breath, Charlie brought the poster inside and did his best to understand the rough handwriting.

It appeared to be a set of GPS coordinate located within Yellowstone National Park and the date "7/1/88" written so forcefully that the characters consisted of more torn paper than ink. The author signed the poster as "G", but no other information was provided.

Scoville's Revenge
Very little is known about Scoville, including his real name. No known living witnesses have ever seen his face without a gas mask except for Sergeant "Stone Cold" Charlie of the US National Park Service. He has been known to employ the use of various unknown chemicals for the purposes of instigating ecological disasters, but his most common weapon is the relentless application of fire via what appears to be a homemade flamethrower.

There are various rumors surrounding his possible identity, but none have been conclusively confirmed. The most common theory is that he was the sole survivor of a notorious case in 1972 in which a family of 5 was reported missing on the Appalachian Trail, but only 4 sets of remains were ever recovered. Less reputable sources claim that the family was attacked by the dragon known as "Mr. Green" as a result of their chopping down a tree for firewood. However, most harbor doubts as to the existence of Mr. Green as the only evidence is circumstantial and the only reported direct observations are from the 18th century.

In his report on the events following his encounter on July 1, 1988, Sergeant Charlie writes that after a wild bear stopped the execution of a large scale attack on the Yellowstone National Park by Scoville, he was able to injure Scoville by shooting his left leg. After approaching Scoville and removing his gas mask, he was only able to catch a glimpse of a heavily scarred face with bright green eyes before losing consciousness. Upon waking up, he discovered a small dart in his neck and that Scoville had fled the area. The green eye color is consistent with records on the missing child from 1972.

No known activities associated with Scoville have occurred since then.

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Cheers,
David

Location: 
Spilker 232
Friday, September 16, 2016 - 17:00